Thursday, October 25, 2007

I`m drowing here

Sorry everyone but this has been one of my down weeks.....Feeling like absolutely everything is getting on top of me....My husband refuses to get out of bed these days and doesn`t help me mentally or physically anymore....This has been going on for months and to be honest I feel like a single woman with four children...Not three....
I know he does have some bad days but (yes there is that but) he`s choosing not to help himself anymore.....I can`t do anymore ....I can`t summon up the strength to will him to help himself....
It seems life is one big burden to him but only us as a family....It seems when it comes to his mother or his girls from his first marriage he has no difficulty in getting out and about to do whatever with them but when it comes to me and the kids it`s a different story.....
He used to come shopping with me....Nothing....When it comes to the car I`m having to make sure everything is in running order....The kids he never does anything with them....And then there`s me....Having to do absolutely everything inside and out.....
I have sacrificed 10 years of my life to this man because i love him....I gave up a career that I loved.....If it wasn`t for my friends on msn who help me get through I think I would have gone mad by now....But then that`s another story .....I get twenty questions on whom I`m talking too....What are we talking about????..Blah Blah Blah....
It`s like hello aren`t I allowed to have a life.....Then there`s all the accusations ....I don`t need to go into detail but you know what I mean.....I feel like i`m in a prison serving a life sentence and there is no escape......
Sorry everyone ...You don`t need to comment on this blog...It just get`s it all out of my system....


  1. you were seeing a councillor before, have you thought of going again? maybe it would help to have someone to talk to in person. sorry you are going through this crap atm. thinking of you.

  2. Hello Mandy,
    Woops, sorry things are not A1 at your place.

    You can't help anyone that won't help themselves!

    Do you know, to me you have answered your own thinking on this post....can you see that?

    Wonderful that you have friends to help you through this time - this time of need. Everyone needs someone to tell their troubles to and to hear their opinions. But you know in your heart what you want to do - so do it Mandy....Take that step it's crunch time.

    I don't think I am barking up the wrong tree here, but if I am just please say..I will not be offended.


  3. It is so hard when you love someone and they just seem to have given up on life and you can't do anything but stand by and watch, no matter what you say it will be the wrong thing and then there is the "your not in my shoes so you can't really understand" which maybe true but it is so annoying.

    Your doing your best to be loving and supportive and it's like why am I bothering.

    It also hurts when you feel like at times you just don't matter any more.

    Then of cause you have times when you think and feel I deserve better then this. So why am I putting up with this shit. Then you have other times when it's like I love him and this phase mat pass and things will get better again.

    Why does life have to be so bloody hard at times.

  4. Whiteangel no you`re not barking up the wrong tree....But i feel like if i do this and something did happen could i live with myself...Not sure to be honest in answering my own question....I`m all over the place at the moment...I just feel so frustrated and i want a husband who will be my strength, who wants to be part of a family....He at the moment chooses not to be....Oh god it`s so hard at the moment....I do love my husband but I want the one back that i married all those years ago...Not this grumpy man who won`t get out of bed because he can`t be bothered....

    Here I go again i`m raving...Thanks you`ve given me something more to think about which believe me I have been doing alot of over these past few months....I will get

  5. Jo-Anne....

    You are so right....The worst part also is it`s affecting all the kids....Especially Daniel....He won`t take any crap though from his father and tells him so...Which does make matters worse unfortunately....I just can`t win no matter what i do or say...Oh how i could

  6. Lou-Mandy, Hi I am having some help here, never commented before, so bare with me.

    Mandy, you family situation is very similiar to ours, I struggled with Janelle's 2 kids, they would just not talk to me and they would ignore me, never in front of their mother. I could not talk to Janelle about it as I don't think she would have believed me. I would be the same as Matt and sort of took my frustration out on Neil & Clinton as I knew they were mine and that was ok< never hit them but would punish them unnecessarily, not a good thing but I felt alone. Our life was perfect until my 2 children bradley & Danielle got ill and I had a hard time dealing with it, Janelle struggled to but she always seemed a lot stronger and always seemed to cope & I used that strength.

    I ended up working a lot of overtime just to get away from the kids, I know that sounds not very nice, I never wanted to leave Janelle I loved her but just sometimes could not handle the family situation and her 2 kids.

    My point Mandy, is Matt is unwell in fact very unwell, he does not have a job to escape to so he escapes to his bedroom, his mothers and his OLDER daughters.

    You need to set some rules and very strong rules, I can not judge your family life and I would never attempt to. If Matt has his dinner in bed you need to put that dinner on the table and make him get out of bed and join the family for at least one meal a day, if he chooses not to come to the table well he misses out on dinner and let him get his own. Daniel needs to if not already go into the bedroom every afternoon and talk to him and putting it lightly stir the shit. Don't ever punish Daniel for ennoying his dad, if anything encourage it in a right manner. I he realises theat where they are his kids or not and kids in anybodys life is a bonus and he should be enjoying the moment and not mopping.

    one day we are all gong to die it is a fact of life it is not quantity time on earth it is quality time and he needs to realise this.

    Mandy, you can show Matt my comment, Janelle just said that Matt does not know about this blog she said just copy and paste it and then show him.

    Lou-Matt, Matt I don't know you but your wife Mandy and my wife Janelle have become very good internet friends, mate your wasting your life away, struggle and make the effort for the kids sake & for Mandy.

    Mandy I hope you do not feel like I have over stepped the mark if you do just delete this comment if you can.

    I just have asked Janelle to help me as I don't know what to do next.

    Janelle wanted me to tell you Carly saw your comment but could not reply as she was at work and Janelle was suppose to tell you thankyou from Carly.

    Janelle-Mandy, We had a lovely dinner tonight at an Indian Restaurant just near Clinton's, Carly said thankyou for your birthday wishes and she will try and come over and say hello over the weekend.

    Have to post this now, Lou is getting anxious. Love always

    PS: I hope you don't mind Lou commenting but he thought being a male he might be able to help.

  7. Lou....Some of what you`re saying makes sense when it comes to my 2 kids .....They don`t have that bond with Matt but they have tried to sit down and talk with him on many occassions...As for Daniel believe me he does plenty of stirring to get his father riled up but i`m afraid you wouldn`t like Matt`s reactions....Very unfather like ...Just lastnight he told Daniel he is not his father....This is the sort of shit I have to put up with on a daily basis....Sick or not Lou, Daniel is only 10 he doesn`t need to hear that sort of thing....Daniel is very stressed at the moment...He feels alot of it and what`s really sad is he is starting to dislike his father....

    I try to explain things to him but Daniel is a very stubborn young man and when his mind is made up about something he is very hard to budge.....

    He get`s out of bed for no one anymore Lou....Except for going to the doctors or picking up a script from the chemist....I refuse to do that part anymore....

    As for having a meal with us that`s non existent...Technically I have no husband...It`s terrible to say but all there is for me is my kids and thank goodness for them....

    Lou i`m just finding it very difficult at the moment...10 years i have put up with this and i`m starting to think i`m not getting any younger and do i really want to be doing this in another 10 years And my answer is no....I need someone to start taking an interest in me....I have given all i can...There is no more....

    You and Janelle have been so good to me and youy would never step over the mark....I appreciate your concern for me and it helps me to go through different processes....

    I could not show Matt this Lou as he would go off his tree....I`ll just ride things out for a while and see which direction it goes....But somehow I don`t think if Matt chooses not to change that it`s going to end very well...

    Thanks again Lou and of you too Janelle....You are two very special people to me and i`m glad to have come across you both....Take care for now..All my love mandy...

  8. Hi Mandy,

    It is a really difficult situation that you are in. Matt is obviously suffering from depression as well as his other physical ailments. Depression is not an easy thing to deal with because often the depressed person doesn't want any help because they believe that the professionals don't know what they're going through.

    Mandy you'be been dealing with this for 10 years. I hate to say this but you may be saying the same thing in another 10 years too. I would suggest that a marriage counsellor is very much in order even though I don't think that Matt will be interested. Like Margaret said it really sounds like crunch time.

    One thing that you might like to try first though. Write Matt a long letter. Tell him how much you love him and that you want to build a life with him into the future. Give him lots of things to think about. Talking with depressed people often goes off the rails because emotions get in the way on both sides however a letter is something that they can read by themselves and in their own time.

    My heart goes out to you and I know how terrible you are feeling.

    Take care


  9. Good morning Mandy,

    I think it is great that you have felt comfortable about talking about your situation. Lou & I have just read your comment and both now believe like Margaret that may be it is crunch time, it is not a very nice environment for Daniel and maybe Daniel only needs to see his Dad when Matt is in a good mood. I know that it is not very often but maybe if Daniel sees Matt at Matt's mothers.

    Take care my friend and I really hope this situation as a good turn.

    Love always Janelle

  10. perhaps the bedroom has become such a cosy place to hide...he has become a liitle possum hiding in his cosy nest...
    time to make the cosy nest not so cosy.

  11. He would appreciate you more if you kicked him out for a week or two and told him to go have a good long hard think about things.

    Tell him if he wants to move back in then he will need to be more considerate of his family.

  12. He would appreciate you more if you kicked him out for a week or two and told him to go have a good long hard think about things.

    Tell him if he wants to move back in then he will need to be more considerate of his family.