Sacrifices of a Carer

Nobody tells you how hard caring for a loved one can be , on all levels..The strain mentally and physically can be draining and it eats away on your soul....I have been the backbone of the family with raising 3 children and sole carer of my husband for the best of twenty years....In doing so I can sit back and say i did a good job raising my kids...They all have morals, have good lives and in general are very caring young adults...

Sadly one has chosen not to include me in their life these days but that`s another story for another day...My eldest is my best friend and my sounding board...She will listen when i`m down and always have a shoulder for me to lean on ...The youngest is still home with me and today he is my protector and my side kick...I`m proud of my kids because I did it tough and I did it on my own even though i was married...

As a carer you give up a lot, a career, a social life, family outings, in fact when i look back and assess, it has even had an effect on my marriage... You see if you are not careful it can consume you before you know it especially when you are putting everyone`s needs before yourself...In my case it did, and in the end you are no longer classed as a husband and wife team ...It`s just you "the carer"...The one who is the glue holding everything together...Putting on the happy face but on the inside you`re thinking this life that was thrusted upon you is tearing you apart...It can be a dark lonely place...

When I turned 50 it was like a light switched on...Yep a light bulb moment...I thought the best years of my life had gone in a blink, ...Where did the time go???...What had I done for myself other than raising my children????.....I couldn`t think of one thing, yet I had so many pipe dreams when I was younger....

Now I have chosen to do things for me ...After taking care of everybody who mattered to me in life i have managed to take up casual employment, traveled overseas and planning a big holiday for next year with my youngest son because i feel he especially missed out on alot growing up because of his fathers illnesses...In doing these things for myself I am still doing what is required of me as a carer but i am not letting it consume me to the point of sacrificing what life I have left....Sadly because of circumstances out of our control we are now separated as husband and wife, amicable mind you.... Due to illness taking it`s toll we have now become more like friends and with a decision not taken lighty agreed to stay under the same roof making things easier for the both of us...

Just remember as a carer , you matter, your life matters....Always always devote time for yourself otherwise you could end up like me and realise when it`s all too late.....